Age Old Disaster
by Queen of Floof
Summary: MWPP. What happens when an ageing potion goes wrong? Add a few awkward moments, I Never, and a couple of pissed off Slytherins and you’ve got one hectic year for our favorite pranksters! Full 6th year, RL? Slash! Unfinished
1. Potions Class

_ Age Old Disaste_r – MWPP. What happens when an ageing potion goes wrong? Add a few awkward moments, I Never, and a couple of pissed off Slytherins and you've got one hectic year for our favorite pranksters! Full 6th year, RL/? Slash!

Chapter One: Potions Class... dun dun dun dunnnnnnn

"Uh-oh..."

"What is it now, Siri?" asked Remus Lupin. It was the first day of 6th year for the Marauders, and because of their luck, they were headed to double potions with the Slytherins way too early on a Monday morning. So, of course, dear old Remus Lupin was forced to endure plenty of grumbles from his friends: Sirius because of the time, James because of whom the lesson included and Peter because of _what_ the lesson included. Remus didn't mind because he was rather busy trying not to fall over his own two feet. He really wasn't a morning person.

"Um, didn't Professor K say we needed a sprig of Moonflower for our potions project?" Sirius asked tentatively. He was looking over at Remus because he was his potions partner, and he really was not an eyesore this morning (or ever for that matter), unlike James, whose hair had finally defied gravity. Jim smacked his forehead and rolled his eyes.

"Padfoot, you idiot! Didn't you hear me ask you if you wanted any from the Apothecary? Oh, yeah, I remember now, you said you didn't need any because you already had some!" Hmmm, seems Jim isn't a morning person either....

"Well, he used to have some until that first year Bill took it from his trunk this morning and wanted to know what it did when it was set on fire," piped up Peter.

"Moonflower? As in the same Moonflower that makes anyone seem like they've had way to many happy pills with one good inhale?"

"The one and only Remy. Guess we better avoid the common room for awhile now," James said, perking up despite the fact that it wasn't 12:00 yet, but mostly from the fact that his friend had not, indeed, been lying to him.

"Dammit Peter! Why'd you let him do that? Wait, did you say we could get high off of _Moonflower_?"

"Siri, you don't need to get high off of anything, you already do a good job of being an idiot naturally." Sirius seemed to ignore this, but his face had a slightly panicked expression after he realized he wasn't getting his Moonflower back.

"But what about Potions? I've been doing this project since the middle of last year! I need to get the Ageing Potion completed or else I can't stay on the Quidditch team!"

"Stop being a drama queen Siri! You have great grades, straight O's if I'm correct. You'll make it on the Quidditch team, and if you don't, I'll take your beater's bat and shove it where the sun won't shine." The last part came out through clenched teeth. Jim, being the chaser and Quidditch captain this year, was going to do everything in his power to make sure Gryffendor won the Quidditch cup as they had for the last two years. Not even the Marauders could get him to lighten up.

The four Gryffendors stopped as the reached the dungeon door that lead to the potions classroom. Professor K. was the most feared professor of the entire history of Hogwarts. Not one instructor could hold a candle to the greatest (and most unpleasant) Potions Master of the century. Even the "Fearless Four" (as Sirius dubbed them on one occasion when Batman costumes, too much Halloween candy and one to many butterbeers were involved) were slightly afraid of Professor K. The main reason was because when K. heard them purposely trying to botch his fantastically long (and very Russian) name right after throwing a dungbomb in Avery's potion, the slightly sadistic Potions Master whipped around and beheaded a large bat that was inches from Peter's hand. They had called him Professor K. from then on.

Sirius blanched, obviously recalling the incident. It was especially traumatizing for Sirius because his only Hogwarts robes had caught most of the blood from the decapitated bat. He turned to face James and said, "Jim, before I die, I just wanted you to know... I will never forget what we had. Prongs, I think I love you!" and then proceeded to clutch his heart and fall over towards Jim. James automatically caught him, not wanting to see one of his best friends get intimate with the dungeon floor. He then looked at Sirius and said in a choked voice, "My dearest Padfoot! I shall never forget you when you pass on, but, alas, I have found another." By this time most of the sixth years from both houses had arrived at the dungeons. On the whole everyone ignored them, being used to their antics, but there was one person who seemed to find a special interest in them today from his place in the shadows.

James then proceeded to drop Sirius and kneel on one knee in front of Remus.

"Moony, my love, would you be the kind soul who has come to mend my broken heart? Will you be the one who I shall share my life with?" Remus caught Peter poking a twitching Sirius to make sure he really was not having a seizure.

"Oh, Jamsie, as much as I would love for our affair to continue, I have fallen deeply and madly in love with Wormtail. I just could not bear to let anyone else steal my heart in the way he has done to me!" Remus ran over to Peter and gave him a huge bear hug, whilst pretending to sob on his shoulder. Peter, who had not heard what was going on in the first place, was rather startled and just a bit concerned for his friends' mental health. A second later, a flash of blonde hair caught their eye before they were surrounded by six of their fellow sixth years - Slytherins to be exact.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the pathetic little love circle. What's the matter? Can't figure out which one of you gets top?" came a drawling voice from the center of the group. The rest of the group snickered appreciatively. Lucious Malfoy looked exactly like his father, Damien Malfoy, the Minister of Magic, from the tip of his toes to the ends of his perfectly coifed, platinum blonde hair. He even had two bodyguards, Avery and Macnair, who stood on either side of him at all times. Next to them were Snape, Rosier and Nott. The six were slowly circling the four Gryffindors, sneering at their rivals. Remus was starting to get an unsettling, almost trapped feeling in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't long before the full moon, and he was surrounded by gits that were threatening his pack. No one gets away with that dammit!

"You're the one that has to bribe someone to get laid Malfoy, now get out of my way before I force you to." As the wolf started to come through, Remus's powerful muscles started to show themselves and a growl made it's way to his throat. His golden brown eyes were blending with dangerous amber; the result was glinting ochre that seemed to scream with danger.

Snape's eyes widened imperceptivity in recognition of Remus's 'other side'. Rosier and Malfoy, the only others besides the Marauders and Snape that knew what happened Whomping Willow at the end of last year, faltered slightly.

"You better watch your mouth, Lupin. I'm feeling generous so we'll let you off lightly. By the way, Black, your mother sent you this." Rosier chucked a blood red envelope at Sirius as the Slytherins turned to enter the potions classroom.

Sirius glanced down at the envelope briefly before he carefully put it in a lone pocket in his book bag. If it was from his mother like Rosier had said, it was bound to be something bad after the stunt he pulled on holiday. He just hoped that the Potters weren't dragged into anything because he had run to them after escaping Grimauld Place (aka #12 Headquarters of Hell).

The three tallest pranksters strode into the potions classroom with the last of their number trailing after them.

"Wow, that time of the month?"

"Shove off James, you know it's only a two days till my transformation," Remus muttered. He was still breathing a little harder than usual but otherwise had a cool demeanor.

"Generous my ass...."

'Yes, Remus, you do have a very generous ass.... Whoa! Where the fuck did that come from? This is Moony, your pack mate, fellow prankster and...hot as hell. Oh God there's something wrong with me....'

Sirius stored that train of thought away for later after wiping a distressed expression off of his face, and placed a hand on Remus's shoulder and sent him a rather devilish smirk. From the look in his eyes the other three could tell that the Slytherins were going to have an interesting potions lesson.

As the rest of the class filed into the room, the Marauders headed towards the back of the dungeon Potions classroom. They all took a seat at their designated tables. It had been by chance that they were all paired together; either that, or that slightly dodgy Manipulative Charm that Peter came across in the Restricted Section sure came in handy with seating charts. James took his seat next to Pete while the two 'canines' sat down simultaneously at their workstation that was situated directly across their counterparts.

As Sirius started to set out his ingredients, his face started to betray his worry over his missing potions ingredient. As much as people would like to believe, the Marauders didn't get their marks by charm, and Sirius was just too used to being one step ahead of the others in his grade level to not care about something that might put a dent in his school record. Well, grades wise of course.

Low, flickering light cast an eerie glow around the room, causing Peter to shiver involuntarily. Remus couldn't really blame him; this place didn't exactly make him want to jump with joy either. He sent sidelong glance at Sirius. His hair was pulled back at the nape of his neck, as it always was when they attended potions, and he was biting his lip while a frown marred the smooth skin of his forehead. Overall, the effect made him want to know if his hair felt as silky as it looked, or his skin would flush if he –

_I can't! I mean its Padfoot! The same person who you play pranks with and nearly got Snape killed and sleeps in your dorm – '_

Remus shook his head jerkily from side to side to clear it from that thought. It seemed to work, but managed to earn a few curious glances from Sirius. Remus supposed it might look odd that he was muttering obscenities under his breath, but he really didn't care. He looked purposely away from Sirius when he tried to catch his eye.

Professor K. finally made his usual dramatic entrance from the shadowed corner of the room. Several of the Gryffendor students visibly jumped, but on the whole the class was used to their rather evil Potions professor.

"Lupin! Mind you hold your tongue when you are in my classroom. Ten points from Gryffendor." Professor K. snapped. His heavy accent added to the effect and Lupin flinched slightly at his tone. Not even five minutes into the class and Gryffendor was already down ten points. Remus almost missed the unfairness of it all during the summer. Almost.

"Everyone, gather your potion ingredients and be prepared to finish the project you started in the beginning of last year's term. When you are finished, come over to my desk and hand your essays in to me. Now, get to work!"

Everyone complied immediately. The only ones that dared to talk were Snape and Malfoy, and even they were a bit hesitant to break the silence that had overtaken the potions classroom. After a discreet silencing spell cast by Sirius, they themselves started work on their potion.

"But seriously Moony, what am I going to do? I don't have the moonflower for the potion and the book never said what it would do without it." Sirius was talking out of the corners of his mouth, barely moving his lips. It was a great skill to attain when one was a Marauder.

"I honestly don't know Padfoot, I don't have any now either do I? We shared the same Potions ingredients since we were doing the same project didn't we? I guess we'll just have to improvise."

TBC


	2. Let's get this straight

Chapter 2: Let's get this straight....

"Wonderful. And how exactly, oh gifted one, are we supposed to improvise?" Asked Sirius dubiously. He didn't sound quite as annoyed as he did distracted, trying to figure out which ingredients were most like that damn Moonflower.

Remus didn't answer, he was to busy pondering which of the ingredients were most like their key to the project. Was the flower a base for the potion or was it added to take the poisons from the plimpy blood?

"I mean, its not like we can go up to Prof. K and just ask him to hand out some of his rarest ingredient! Its bound to get us a fail and we'd probably be kicked out of the class for not passing on a project that costs us 80% of our grade! What the hell was he thinking when he decided how to score us? That man is truly sadistic I tell you. And what happens if we mix in the wrong ingredient? He's making us drink this potion and if we-"

"Sirius, in all do respect; Shut. Up. Now."

"..."

Remus continued to pound the shrivel fig roots even after they had reached the fine powder that was required. Sirius kept his thoughts to himself; even though he couldn't help but wonder how erotic those long, elegant, tapered fingers that were currently crushing the poor beetle's eyes to a pulp would look on his body when he was all wet and sticky from-

Ok, he was stopping that thought.

As soon as the grim-like canine added exactly one cup of plimpy blood mixed with one crushed runespoor eggshell, his companion yelped in triumph. The amber-eyed youth was just about bursting when he announced, "I've got it! I know what to add to our potion! Well, without killing anyone or making us spontaneously combust."

Sirius gave an unmanly 'eep' and just about threw down the mixture he was about to add. He jumped over to where his fellow Marauder was pointing to their potions textbook in triumph.

"It says here that any one ingredient that cannot be added for whatever reason, can be substituted with another. Since this potion is altering the very sexy and masculine physic of our bodies-"Sirius snickered at that, "we have a choice of adding either mandrake leaves to counteract the plimpy blood or we could mix in a bit of the brewer, kind of like in that polyjuice potion we tried making when muffin costumes, Easter candy and too much Firewhiskey was involved, to give the potion a signature of who the potion will apply to.

"I don't know about you but I don't have any mandrake leaves on me and no one else does either. I'd rather stick to the latter option. That way when we drink the potion, it won't kill us when we drink it since it's designed especially for us."

"Couldn't it be a _poison_ designed especially for us also?" pointed out Sirius.

Remus silently contemplated this then finally muttered, "Good point" while rubbing his chin pensively.

"Oh look! I found the picture of a hot dog I drew under the table!"

Sirius sighed exasperatedly and threw his hands up in the air.

"I don't get what muffin costumes, poisons or you're newly found wiener under the table has to do anything with altering your masculine and sexy body with flowers you can supposedly get high off of."

Unfortunately for Sirius, the silencing charm decided to wear off at this opportune moment.

The class was completely silent and, not for the first time, Sirius felt the heavy weight of many gazes upon him.

Then the class erupted into giggles, while Peter and James were literally rolling on the floor laughing their asses off. Their faces were as red as tomatoes and they looked as if they truly could not breathe.

Remus and Sirius just blinked. Remus being the most astute Marauder, caught on and started to snicker at the look on Sirius' face. Sirius just blinked.

As soon as the appropriate detentions had been handed out, and the class settled down with the least amount of violent displays, everyone was back to brewing their potions. It was twenty minutes later when the bell was minutes from ringing that Sirius and Remus gave up on their quest.

"Ehh, what the fuck, lets just add some of our blood into the potion and then we'll be ready. I can't take this any longer. If we fail, we fail with honor, but if we die, we shall always be remembered as the two that went down after wreaking the most havoc at Hogwarts." And with that, Remus swiftly drew his knife down his palm and held it out over the cauldron, letting the crimson liquid fall into their potion.

Sirius just gaped at him. Then he shook his head of any thoughts he might be having about how much of a turn o- er, I mean utterly disturbing (cough) that was and followed his partner in crime's example.

As soon as both of their blood hit the cauldron, they both jumped back as the color of the potion changed from a deep amethyst to the darkest shade of onyx. They were both staring intently on it and didn't notice when their professor dismissed the class. All they cared about was the swirling colors, which left no room for anything else.

They could both feel the magic pouring through them and into the potion, the swirling of the onyx with the now emerging ochre made the two lab partners plus some lingering students, look on in awe. They could not imagine anything more beautiful, albeit more than slightly dangerous.

** Sirius **

_It reminds me of his eyes... _Sirius thought, _his eyes are always this color when he is full of emotion. Whether it is passion or rage, the spark is always there... maybe that's why this potion is so beautiful?_

Remus 

_I can't figure out what that color reminds me of... Dammit this is frustrating! _Thought Remus, _I think it's the hair color, I can't be sure, or maybe even eye? Mmm, Sirius has hair kinda like this..._

It was then that they noticed that the potion had started to look as if it was about to explode.

TBC


End file.
